So, if you’ve read my previous posts, you’ll know that I haven’t exactly been having the best time. With my health and personal problems overwhelming me, I found my self in a negative pit of darkness and hopelessness, yet again.
As with all social media outlets, I posted a status on Facebook, venting for myself rather than for anyone else. I can’t remember what it said as I’ve deleted it now, but it went something along the lines of ‘I’m a fuck up, the world is better off without me’ and so you get the gist. I posted in the early hours of Friday morning, crying, slightly drunk, and in my bed from having an awful night.
I awoke the next morning and looked at my phone, and was not expecting to see what I did.
I literally had dozens and dozens of messages from friends on my Facebook, friends that I haven’t spoken to in years, and people I’ve barely spoken to at all. They were all concerned and making sure I was okay, and basically telling me to keep strong and stay positive, just offering me friendly, loving words which I had never in a million years thought would happen. I would have never expected so many people – hell I wasn’t even expecting one person – to reach out and make sure I didn’t do anything stupid.
It was truly heart-warming and eye-opening. I’ve never felt so loved, felt so grateful to know the people I know. To know that even if I don’t speak to someone a lot, they are still there and still care – it made me cry. I felt like I wasn’t deserving of it.
I couldn’t thank them enough, and let them know how much it meant to me. I don’t think they’ll ever understand how appreciative I was of every single message, they made me feel like I had something to live for in a time where I felt so alone and down. I was drunk and in a bad place, and I was feeling really suicidal. I thought about it a lot that night.
But waking up to everybody’s messages changed that, and I don’t think they’ll ever know that they may have just saved my life.