I am awful at being a consistent blogger, I know this haha. Life just keeps getting in the way however, and pulling me and pushing me in all these different directions, directions I’m not even sure I want to go in.
I am now a few weeks in doing my Masters course in Creative Writing, and alongside that training and gearing up to be a school and college mentor. Which I love and is very exciting, don’t get me wrong. But then my personal life starts to leak in like a cracked pen, and stains any happiness and enjoyment I have.
Without going too much into detail, mostly because it hurts too much, I’m losing/have lost the two people who mean the world to me and couldn’t imagine living without. It’s making me feel like I’ve done something wrong, though I know I haven’t, and my close family and best friend know that. Right now they’re all I have in my life. Everyone else has faded away, and the guy I love is slipping away through my fingertips like sand.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m really struggling with my anxiety and depression and feel like everything’s going wrong. I feel like I can’t do anything right, or please anyone. I just feel a bit pointless. Like what’s the point anymore? I just don’t know what to do with myself, and the person I reach out to and helps me when I’m in crisis is the one person that’s frozen me out.
I just…don’t know.