I’ve had a hellish week. I’d been wrongly diagnosed and put on two different antibitoics which I found out yesterday at the hospital were doing me more harm than good! I’ve been pretty much dead all weekend and unable to move, so I’m glad I’ve been told to stop that treatment. I’ve been put on a different one for 3 days, and I’m already feeling so much better, I’m so bloody glad for it.
I was worrying (on top of everything else!) at the weekend about my assessenment on Wednesday which is to present at this MA Day that everyone on the module has had to come together and put together, and organise all aspects. The way I was a few days ago there was no way I’d have been able to travel in to Media City UK and perform my presentation for everyone, and I was stressing about how that affect my grades and just my overall position on the Masters. I’ve been doing a lot of worrying!
But now I’m feeling a bit better, I’m on day 2 of the new antibiotics and I just don’t want to risk not going. I am stupidly nervous about it already – have been ever since I found out we had to give a presentation! I’m awful at public speaking, it’s something I’ve always hated and it gives me mega anxiety. Everytime I’ve stood up and had to give a presentation my stutter comes out in full force and I can barely get my words out, and I stand there shaking like a leaf in the wind. It’s embarrasing, and something I’ve never been able to get over. I haven’t done it in a long time, and we’re being assessed on which is the scary part, because I just know I’m gonna mess up in some way or another! My other problem is talking too fast. When I panic my words just fly out of my mouth at an insanse speed, and I’m just gonna want the whole thing over and done with as quickly as possible. So I have to be careful of that too aha.
This medication is making me feel sick, and I’m also feeling so sick with nerves, I have a massive weight on my chest and it feels like I can’t breathe at times when that pressure builds up. I honestly can’t wait ill tomorrow is over, I’ve never been so scared for anything in my entire life. I don’t know where I think I’m going giving a presention on mental health when I’m an anxiety-addled jitterbug at the moment haha! Wish me luck! *insert screaming face emoji here*